


Emptiness and the Rapture of Living

by Kate04



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:11:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1409515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate04/pseuds/Kate04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voyager is home, but all Kathryn feels is emptiness. Her way of dealing with the lack of feelings endangers her and makes others angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emptiness and the Rapture of Living

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Voyager and its characters are owned by CBS Studios Inc., but the idea is mine.
> 
> Author's note: This one was written for AnneTM ( VAMB's Spring Fling 2010).
> 
> A big hug and 'thank you' for JoAryn for her quick beta and for her and Corinna for their support and encouragement when I was ready to give up.

> _Once I knew only darkness and stillness..._
> 
> _my life was without past or future..._
> 
> _but a little word from the fingers of another_
> 
> _fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness,_
> 
> _and my heart leaped to the rapture of living._
> 
> -Helen Keller
> 
>  

Emptiness. For several months it had been the only thing Kathryn had felt. Before their return there had been other emotions. Loneliness, desperation, fear, occasionally hope or happiness. Now all that was gone. Her purpose was gone. _Voyager_ had reached Earth, her crew was taken care of, she had reconnected with her parents and finished the debriefing. She was hailed as a hero, they had promoted her, told her she had done her job very well and would have a great career in Starfleet and sent her off on a six months vacation.

The first month off had been wonderful. She had slept for hours and hours and spent the rest of her days reconnecting with her mother, her sister and some of her old friends. She visited all the places she used to love, but found most of them changed, as were the people.

Then life had started to return to normal for the people around her. They had to go back to work; they took up their usual past-time activities again, spent time with their friends and generally went about their business. Only Kathryn had no ‘normal’ to return to. Her ‘normal’ had ended once _Voyager_ had burst through the transwarp conduit. To be honest it had ended seven years before that, when _Voyager_ had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant, because there had never been anything that could have been called ‘normal’ on the other side of the galaxy.

The only constant had been her crew, the wonderful family they had become. All that was gone now and Kathryn found herself completely alone with nothing to work towards, no one who needed her. She was useless and she felt old and alone.  
In her head she knew that all this should provoke some sort of feeling inside her, but there was only this all-encompassing emptiness. It was killing her.

After the second month of her leave, she had been close to madness. Kathryn had been depressed many times in her life, but never had there been this complete lack of emotions. There was simply no logical explanation for being depressed. She had accomplished her goal, had brought her ship and crew home. She should relax and enjoy her time off, but for some reason she couldn’t.

It had all started harmlessly enough. Kathryn had wanted to visit her dear _Voyager_. As the original was still taken apart at the Utopia Planitia Shipyards, she had used one of the holo-suits at Starfleet headquarters. Thanks to Mr. Barclay there was already an exact replica of her ship on file and, being an admiral and the local hero, she had no trouble accessing it.

For several days it had been enough to walk along the familiar corridors and to look at simulated stars rushing past the equally simulated viewports while sitting in her comfortable chair.

After a while, it began to feel too lonely being alone on the ship. She had debated the moral issues of using holographic replicas of her crew for a long time, but in the end, the temptation had been too much. Reg Barclay had already created her crew and all she’d had to do was change the clothes of the former Maquis, slightly modify their characters and give them a rank. It wasn’t as if she had created holograms of her crew.

Of course Kathryn was aware of the dangers of recreating her life in a holo-suit, but it hadn’t been intended as a long-term thing. She had only needed a place to get her thoughts and feelings under control again. There simply wasn’t a better place to think than her ready room or her quarters.

Still, she spent more and more time with her holographic friends and still there was only emptiness inside her. Even with the help of her own ‘normal’ she couldn’t reconnect to the person she once was.

That was when she began to rediscover the thrill of danger.

She had never consciously decided to put herself in danger, but one day the noise inside her head had just been too much and she had needed something to divert her. The Kazon had sounded like a good idea at the time and she had run a battle simulation.

For a short time Kathryn had been able to push away all the oppressive thoughts and focus completely on something other than her lack of feelings. Adrenalin had been pumping though her veins and she had loved the feeling.  
Once again she had been one with her crew. They had worked together like they’d always done and she had forgotten that they were only holograms.

Since then, she had resolved many times to quit this dangerous game, but in the end she had returned. The time she spent at the holo-suits had increased over the third month of her vacation until she had only left her fantasy world to get a few hours of sleep or when someone else needed the holo-suits.  
No one dared question the Admiral’s motives for spending so much time in the holo-suits. She was Admiral Janeway, after all.  
They didn’t even grow suspicious when Kathryn began to disable the safeties. She was Admiral Janeway, after all.

She had never planned to hurt herself, but one day she had been hit by a Kazon during one of her battle simulations and when the searing pain she had expected hadn’t been there, she’d felt cheated and the entire bubble that was her fantasy world had burst.  
After that Kathryn had stayed away from headquarters for several days, but in the end, she needed the excitement of battle and the familiarity of Voyager and her crew. She had returned and had, after hesitating for a moment, turned off the safeties.

At first she had only gone home with a few scratches or minor bruises. Nothing she hadn’t dealt with before without seeing the doctor.  
As time went on, though, she needed more and more stimulation to actually feel something. Her scenarios became more and more risky over the next few months and she frequently went home with severe injuries, which she repaired the best she could with whatever her own medkit supplied.

Kathryn knew that her mother and sister suspected that something was wrong with her, but she had always been good at pretending to be fine and she hadn’t lost that ability. Her sore muscles and the countless bruises she blamed on workout, which she claimed she was doing more of now that she had the time. With her sister she joked that she used to be in such a great shape before she was stranded in the Delta Quadrant and her mom she told that a few bruises from physical activity had never hurt anyone.  She was sure that Phoebe believed her, even if it was as far from the truth as one could get and her mom had just stared at her for a long moment before she had accepted her daughter’s words.  
There was only one person, who might have been able to see through her lies, but Chakotay wasn’t there and never would be again. Kathryn had mourned that fact for a long time, but now she was actually glad he was gone.

Kathryn had started with the battles they had really fought in the Delta Quadrant. There had been plenty, but it hadn’t taken her all that long to work through most of them.  
After that she had recreated a couple of skirmishes she’d been involved in before her time on _Voyager_ , but they hadn’t satisfied this unsettling need inside of her, whatever it was.

There was one scenario, however, Kathryn had tried to avoid at all costs. The Hirogen taking over _Voyager_ and using her crew as their prey. Never during their entire journey had she felt as helpless and vulnerable as during that time. They had taken away her ship and used it against her and her crew. There hadn’t been a backup plan, no one on the outside to rescue them. She hadn’t even known what was happening most of the time and she still couldn’t remember what they had put her through. All she had to go on were the Doctor’s reports and the basic information about the scenarios she had been in. The thought still scared the hell out of her and she was reluctant to go through it again.  
There was this nasty voice inside her, however, that insisted on the adrenaline rush, on the danger, the fear and the heartache she knew this would cause her. That time had been an emotional mine field and Kathryn needed these emotions badly.

It took her several days to make up her mind, days during which she tried to avoid the holo-suits and focus her mind on other things. Her problem was, though, that there wasn’t anything else she could focus on. Kathryn took long walks through the countryside around her mother’s home until the knowing looks of the neighbours got too much for her. After that, she beamed over to San Francisco after she got up and spent her days strolling through the streets and parks. She stopped at cafes and, in the evenings, at bars where she drank until she felt calm enough to go back home and sleep.

One of those evenings, she had found herself in a seedy bar where the drinks were cheap, the tables sticky and the customers less than trustworthy. Kathryn didn’t like the place, but her feet were tired and her mind wouldn’t stop working.  
The place was dark and reeked of beer and stale sweat. She found a place at the bar and ordered a whiskey, her eyes darting from face to grubby face. It seemed as if she was the only woman in the pub and the men certainly noticed her. She felt them stare at her and immediately regretted putting on the blue sweater that left her shoulders exposed. It made her feel naked among all those leering creeps, but she resisted the urge to try and cover her shoulders.  
Kathryn had only finished her first whiskey when an unshaven man with a rather unpleasant smell squeezed into the tiny room between her and the guy sitting next to her. She ordered another drink before he got a chance to talk to her and hoped that hanging onto the glass would keep her from doing him some harm.  
As it were, she was two sips into her third glass before he got up the nerve to address her.

“Hey sweetheart, what’s a doll like you doin’ all alone in a place like this?” He tilted dangerously towards Kathryn and as much as she tried to avoid direct contact, he still managed to place a fleshy hand on her thigh. Her first impulse was to shrink away from the contact, but as shaky as the guy’s balance was, he’d probably collapse onto her if she took away is one support.

“None of your business, mate!” Her voice was cold as ice, but the man failed to pull back. Instead, his hand traveled further up her thigh and his eyes almost dropped down her cleavage in an attempt to see some more exposed skin.  
Her skin crawled where he touched her and she threw back the whiskey in one go before she slapped a couple of credits on the bar and, pushing away from the bar and her unwelcome friend, she left the establishment, a dull thud behind her informing her that the drunkard had tumbled from his bar stool.

Kathryn breathed deeply of the fresh night air and took a moment to shake off the oppressive feeling of the seedy place she’d just left.  
She started walking again, in which direction she didn’t know. Just away from that place and away from her problems. Cold showers ran down her spine as she realized that this disgusting man had been the first man to touch her that intimately ever since she’d last been with Mark almost eight years ago.  
Surely she should feel something at that realization, but there was nothing. Kathryn walked and walked and waited for the tears to come, but they didn’t. Still, she kept walking until she found herself at the entrance of Starfleet Headquarters, the one place she had tried to stay away from.  
The alcohol had softened her resolve and it didn’t take much thinking at all before Kathryn decided to do one more simulation.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chakotay realized that it was late in Indiana and that Kathryn might already be asleep, but after arriving on Earth this afternoon, he simply couldn’t wait to see her. B’Elanna had told him that Kathryn hadn’t been in contact with any of the former Voyagers ever since the debriefings had been over. Of course, no one had thought anything of it at first as everyone was spending their time with family and friends, but after the second month of their leave, Kathryn was still unavailable even as everyone else started to draw back together.  
He had been away to visit his remaining relations on Dorvan for the last five months and had missed his _Voyager_ family dreadfully – most of all Kathryn.  
To find out that she had pulled away from everyone once again made him a little angry, though. He had thought that he had made Kathryn understand how important she was to all of them, but obviously he had been mistaken.

By the time he stepped onto the porch of the large house the Janeway family called their own, he had worked himself into quite a rage.  He rang, probably a little too forcefully, and waited for the door to open, impatiently pacing back and forth on the hardwood planks.  
A moment later, as the door opened, Chakotay whirled around, a menacing frown on his face, to confront Kathryn only to stop with his mouth hanging open as he stared into the face of Phoebe Janeway. Somehow it had never occurred to him that someone other than Kathryn might open the door.

“Commander Chakotay, what a pleasure to see you again.” Although her words were polite, her tone of voice and the confused expression she failed to hide completely made Chakotay feel increasingly foolish for turning up unannounced at this time of the day.

“I’m sorry for showing up here at this time, but I was hoping to talk to Kathryn.” Phoebe’s eyes narrowed slightly and her lips twitched.

“Yeah, so was I. Unfortunately, she isn’t at home and hasn’t been much at all, lately. Come on in and I’ll tell you what I know.” She led Chakotay through the hall into the large, comfortable living room.

“Sit down. Can I get you something to drink?” Phoebe’s voice was softer and higher than her sister’s, but she had the same commanding tone and Chakotay couldn’t help but smile as he answered.

“Yes, thank you. A cup of herbal tea would be nice.”

A moment later she returned and placed a steaming cup on the coffee table in front of him and, taking a seat at the other end of the couch, she stared into her own cup.

“Ok, I’ll come to the point right away. My mother called me a week ago, because she was concerned about Kathryn. She has been spending way too much time alone, sleeping long, leaving the house as soon as she was awake and not returning until late at night.

“A month or so ago, she came home with bruised ribs. Kathryn blamed those on a small accident while exercising and we believed her at first. There were more and more injuries over the next month, though and she tried to hide them. Last week, Mom finally had enough and did some research as to where Kathryn had spent her days.

As it turned out, she had been at Starfleet Headquarters almost the entire time she hadn’t been at home. Doing research in the holo-suits, the guy at HQ had told Mom. Kathryn never mentioned any project, though and no one at Starfleet seems to know anything about it, either. Mom called me and asked me to get to the bottom of what my sister is up to. I suppose she’s scared of what she might find out.”

Chakotay nodded. Knowing Kathryn Janeway as well as he did, he feared that her mother might have every reason to be concerned about her daughter’s welfare.

“Do you have any idea what she’s been doing while in the holo-suits? Which simulations did she run?” He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know and he doubted that he would like what Phoebe had to tell him.

A grim expression on her face, Phoebe nodded. “While on the way here, I requested a list of the simulations Kathryn had run ever since her return. Although I can’t say that I completely understand what she’s been putting herself though, I got the basic idea. She’s been running simulations of _Voyager_ and your time in the Delta Quadrant. At first she seemed to have been content with just spending time with the holograms, but then she started running simulations of the battles you’ve been through. Lately, she turns the safeties off.  
I’m scared that she’s going to get seriously hurt or… worse. We need to find a way to stop her.” Her eyes begged him to help her, but he sensed that she wasn’t entirely sure of his intentions. Well, he would make them unmistakably clear.

Pushing himself off of the sofa, he glared down at the small woman, who was so much like her sister and yet completely different.

“This will stop today. I’m sick and tired of this behaviour. She won’t go on hurting the people who love her by neglecting herself like that. I suppose she didn’t eat much either?” His tone was forceful and Phoebe eyed him suspiciously.

“According to Mom she ate almost nothing. What are you suggesting we do now?”

Chakotay took a deep breath to calm down enough not to frighten Phoebe.

“You will find your mother and tell her that everything will be alright. I’ll deal with Kathryn. I have a thing or two to say to her anyway. I’ll let you know what happened.” Determination written on his face, he gave her a short nod, before he turned around and strode out of the door.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The streets were dark and empty, the beautiful streetlamps turned off. The only illumination was the distant shine of the Nazi searchlights. It made the small, dirty alleys of Saint Claire seem even darker, which suited Kathryn quite well.

She still had to walk a bit until she reached the meeting point behind the chocolaterie and she didn’t have much time left. Her contact would wait as long as he could, but every minute they spent outside at this time of the night was increasing the risk of being caught.

Kathryn slowed down as she reached a corner and, hearing voices, she stopped and pressed herself against the rough stone wall. She could hear two male voices.

Nazis. The patrol was supposed to be further down the road already. What where they still doing here? As long as they weren’t gone, Kathryn wouldn’t be able to cross the road into the next alley.  
She strained her ears in an attempt to find out what was going on and how long it might take the Nazis to move on.  
Then she heard his scream. A little boy, judging from the voice. Carefully sneaking closer to the open road, Kathryn quickly glanced around the corner of the building. Only a few meters from her position she saw the two large Nazi officers having a small boy between them. They shook him and yelled at him to tell them what he was doing outside this late in the evening. The boy only cried and stared at them with huge, frightened eyes.  
After a moment she recognized him. It was Henri, the seven-year-old son of her neighbour Célestin, they were interrogating. The poor child was scared out of his mind and crying for his mother, but the officers didn’t let him go. Instead, they started to punch him in the face and stomach and, as the child sank to the ground, they kicked him until he curled into a ball and whimpered helplessly.

Although she knew that she should stay hidden, because there was nothing she alone could do to help the boy, Kathryn found herself moving out into the road, her hand clamping around the dagger she had hidden beneath her jacket.

If she could surprise the officers and take the first one out from behind before they saw her, she might have a chance to save Henri and herself.

Kathryn hadn’t even completely cleared the alley when a gunshot cut through the humid air.

They had shot the child. Shocked at the senseless brutality of the two men, Kathryn stopped in her tracks and stared at the lifeless little body lying in the ever-growing puddle of his own blood.

For the first time in months, Kathryn felt something stir deep inside her and any considerations of her own safety were forgotten as she pulled the dagger from its hiding place and raced towards the two men, screaming.

By the time the soldiers had realized the threat and localized it, Kathryn was already upon them. In the back of her mind, she knew that she had no chance in hell to get out of this unharmed, but she was controlled by a blinding rage that disabled all rational thinking.

The element of surprise was on her side for a very short moment and she managed to run into one of the Nazis with enough momentum to almost throw him off his feet as she felt the blade of her knife sink into his side.

For a moment she was sure that she had gotten him well enough to incapacitate him as he stared, his eyes wide with shock.

Kathryn pushed away from him, keeping a firm grip on her dagger to pull it free of the soldier’s body. Warm blood ran over her hand before she snatched it away and she turned towards the second man, ready to fight him.

He had grabbed her arm before she could move any further, though. His grasp was so strong that she slowly lost hold of her weapon until it fell from her numb fingers.

With a string of what Kathryn thought were German curses, the soldier swung her around until she slammed head first into the stone wall.

White-hot pain shot though her and her momentary disorientation gave her adversary all the time he needed to restrain her properly, twisting both of her arms behind her back until she thought her shoulders would pop out of their joints.

Kathryn made a few futile attempts to kick back and fight the Nazi off, but he only grunted when her heel met his leg. He pulled her away from the wall and, kicking her in the back of her knee, he forced her to the ground, her arms still held in his relentless grip.

When she looked up, Kathryn stared into the angry face of the other Nazi, the one she had believed fatally wounded. Instead, he was on his feet and aiming a gun at her head.

“We don’t have the time to deal properly with a slut like you, so you will die right here.” Contempt was evident in his voice and she stared at his finger as it slowly tightened around the trigger.

Suddenly, her internal walls came crushing down around her as she realized that this might be it. Even if this hologram didn’t kill her, she would be seriously, maybe even fatally wounded. She didn’t want to die.

End the program, a faint voice inside her cried, but her lips wouldn’t move. She watched in helpless fascination as the hologram took a ridiculously long time to finally shoot her, all the time trying to shake herself out of her paralysis.

And then the world vanished. For a moment, Kathryn thought the soldier had shot her, until her brain registered the black and yellow grid of the holo-suit.

“What the hell did you think you were doing?”

Despite her years of command, Kathryn winced as his angry voice filled the empty room. She was still waiting for the blood to return to her arms, when Chakotay grabbed her from behind and dragged her to her feet. He pushed her away from him and into the wall.

This time, however, Kathryn was able to brace herself before she hit her head again. She swung around and, raising her chin to show a determination she didn’t feel, she faced him.

“I asked you a question, Kathryn and I expect an answer! Why do you always have to put yourself in danger? Why can’t you deal with your problems like any normal person would?” Chakotay had advanced on her and, taking her by both arms, he shook her until her teeth rattled.

That was it, though. She would not let him treat her like that.

The rage still close to the surface, Kathryn shook his hands off violently and pushed him away from her.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that! What do you know about my problems anyway? They’re none of your business and I would thank you to keep your nose out of my life. It’s not as if you’ve cared about it lately so you won’t have to start now.” Kathryn aimed her infamous death-glare at him, but if it had any effect on him, he didn’t show it. Instead, he shook his head in disappointment, his pitiful gaze traveling up and down her neglected form.

“I should have known that you wouldn’t let me in. You never have. Why did I believe that things would be different now? If you’re so good at dealing with your own problems, fine. I’ll leave you alone and won’t bother you again. Have a great life, Kathryn.” With that he turned towards the door and started to leave.

The iron fist of panic closed around her heart and she nearly screamed in agony as she stared at his retreating back. ‘Don’t go!’ the voice inside her head cried. She opened her mouth to let it out, but instead only poison came over her lips.

“Yes, you go back to your busty blonde. I don’t care. I don’t need you.” She clamped her lips together to keep any more vile words from tumbling out, but the damage was done. She had allowed him to see her hurt feelings.

He whirled around and fixed her with a dark and dangerous stare. Kathryn shuddered and took a step backwards, increasing the distance between them.  

“You are not blaming me for your current situation, do you hear me? It was you, who pulled back. It was you, who thought they’d be able to deal with all their troubles alone. If you had actually cared enough about your former crew to stay in contact with them, you would have known a long time ago that there was never anything between Seven and me. Even if we had been lovers you wouldn’t have had any right to be jealous. You insisted on keeping the distance.

“I told you time and again how I felt about you, but you never even hinted at your own feelings. Did you think I would wait around for you to notice me and toss me a little crumb of affection?  I deserve more than that, don’t you think? But I see that you’re still not willing to give me anything other than the Captain. Sometimes I wonder if you have feelings at all.”

Chakotay shook his head again in a gesture of hopelessness as he turned around again.

“But that’s the problem, don’t you see? I don’t feel anything. This emptiness is all there is and it’s killing me. I’m adrift and I can’t find the harbour. I have no purpose and no life and no one to keep me on course. I need this, the ship, the crew, the danger. When I’m fighting for my life I at least don’t have to think about the mess that my life is. It leaves no room for the emptiness. I can’t go on without this.” Her eyes filled with tears and her breathing was laboured as she waited for him to leave her once more.

However, his reaction completely took her by surprise. He had her pushed back against the wall, trapped between it and his solid body, before she even realized what was happening.  
“You will never do this again, do you hear me? I won’t let you kill yourself after all we’ve been through. From now on, if you need to feel something, you’ll come to me, understood?”

Before Kathryn had a chance to reply, he had captured her lips in a punishing kiss. An electric shock went through her. It vibrated inside her entire body, rattling her carefully constructed walls.  
 It took her a moment to grasp the reality of her situation, but when she did, she melted into him and returned the kiss with passion. Their hands started exploring each other’s bodies, fumbling to remove the hindering layers of fabric, never once hesitating.

By the time Chakotay’s lips had reached the sensitive spot behind her ear, Kathryn wore only bra and panties, her trousers pooling around her feet. Chakotay was in a similar state of undress and Kathryn enjoyed the feeling of bare, smooth skin underneath her wandering hands.  
She pushed against his straining erection without shame, trying to stimulate both herself and him.

It wasn’t enough. She needed all of him. He had awakened a hunger for touch she had thought lost long ago.  
Pushing his briefs down, she enclosed his long, hard shaft with one hand, pumping up and down while the other hand kneaded his firm arse.

She moaned as he closed his mouth around one nipple and gently rolled the other between two fingers. Chakotay’s hands and lips left a trail of fire as they made their way down her body. Never before had Kathryn burned for anyone like she did for Chakotay at this moment. The intenseness of her response and the sudden change from complete emptiness to a heart overflowing with feelings made her dizzy in a wonderfully exhilarating way.

Kathryn had the vague sensation of moving, but she was too busy exploring the gorgeous body in font of her, until the back of her legs hit something and she plopped down unto her behind quite suddenly, accompanied by an inelegant sound. 

Before she had any chance to look around, Chakotay had her head between his hands, holding her close to his deliciously long and thick member. She licked her lips and watched, delighted, as he twitched in anticipation.

Flicking her tongue over the weeping head a few times, she looked up at him just as he closed his eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. As her lips closed around him, a low groan escaped him, urging her on. One hand wrapped around his shaft while the other caressed his leg and arse.  
His distinct, salty taste thrilled her and let her own desire spiral almost out of control. Kathryn had always loved giving blowjobs. Having complete control over someone, while, at the same time on an entirely different level, giving up control to them never failed to excite her.

Suddenly, she was pushed backwards until she reclined on her underarms, the wonderful sensation of his length between her lips gone, only to be replaced by a pair of eager lips.

His bedroom, a barely functioning analytical part of her mind observed, only to faint into the background again as the lips wandered down her body until they reached their destination and everything dissolved in a red haze of unimaginable arousal.

Chakotay lapped at her like a starving man, his tongue twirling around her sensitive bundle of nerves until she screamed for him to stop, begged him to go on, whimpered incoherently.

Then his mouth was gone, leaving Kathryn in this agonizing place just before release and she moaned her disappointment into the dimly lit room.

“No! Please!”

He was on top of her, his face only inches from hers, carefully keeping his body from touching hers in any place. His face showed his delight at torturing her.

“What do you want, Kathryn? Say it if you want it.”

Chakotay had her exactly where he wanted her. He wanted her to surrender to him completely, let him have her, body and soul and she knew she would. From the moment their lips had touched for that very first kiss she had known it would come to this.

“Please!” she whimpered.

“Please what?” He was being cruel and he knew it. Kathryn reached out to put her arms around him, spreading her legs wide for him.

The words didn’t come easily, but when they did come, they tumbled from her lips in a torrent of desperate pleas.

“Take me! Love me!...Fuck me!” He pushed into her in one hard thrust, groaning, then pausing to give them both time to enjoy this first overwhelming moment.  Kathryn sucked in a breath as his length stretched her inner walls beyond what was comfortable, but the sensation of being filled completely quickly replaced any discomfort and she wrapped her legs around him, dragging him even closer.

Kathryn closed her eyes, suddenly overpowered by a flood of emotions. It was as if, with his first, powerful thrust, Chakotay had pushed away the walls, which she had built around her soul and suddenly it was free and soaring on wings of love and lust and elation.

“Make me feel!” she moaned into his ear again, prompting the explosion of unbound passion she had hoped for.  
Chakotay lifted himself up and, trapping both her arms above her head with one hand, the other found her clit, while he pumped into her relentlessly, grunting and mumbling all the while. All Kathryn could understand was “You’re mine” over and over again.  
Not being the type of woman who surrendered to any man, she still couldn’t help but feel a thrill at the notion of being his.

Their eyes locked as they met thrust for powerful thrust, their bodies slick with sweat and the evidence of her arousal. Kathryn rose and rose towards the inevitable release, the fire inside her belly growing ever hotter until it spread through her entire body and, screaming, she tumbled over the edge and fell and fell endlessly, trusting him to catch her.  
She was vaguely aware of his last desperate thrust, the lengthening of his shaft and the soothing sensation of being filled with his release and then she knew nothing anymore.

 

Kathryn’s hand drew senseless lines on his smooth chest and her voice sounded far away.  
 _“Once I knew only darkness and stillness... my life was without past_  
 _or future... but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living.”_

Chakotay snorted inelegantly. “My words from before were hardly inspiring.”

A smile tugged at Kathryn’s lips and she looked up into his handsome face. “It was the poetry of your touch on my body that made my heart leap.” Her intense gaze met his as they silently communicated their love for each other, until a devilish grin sneaked onto his face.

“In that case…” Kathryn squeaked, delighted, as his lips clamped around one of her nipples.


End file.
